Yeah I know I was supposed to be on this Joint but I had some business to take care of… Without further ado here’s the 2013 Loyola Rap Cypher:
I’ve been doing something I said I would never do. I’ve been lying to my daughter about Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, and the tooth fairy. You know what else? I don’t feel bad about it. Firstly, (not sure if firstly is a word, but don’t judge me) I’m not really lying by commission, I’m lying by omission. I’m not telling her that there is a Santa Claus or Easter Bunny, I’m just not refuting the fact either. Mainly because I don’t want to crush her little dreams and happiness. Just because I had a bitter, mostly Christmas-less child- hood does not mean that she should also. When Christmas rolls around I always tell her as I let her open a gift “look what daddy got you”, or “look what mommy bought.” Sort of subliminally letting her know that Santa didn’t have jack to do with her presents.
Secondly, I am losing the war of parenting and marriage (like most men.) because as many times as I purposely try to omit the existence of a Santa Claus her mother is saying “Santa is coming” or “what is Santa going to bring you?” I can’t just step in and say, “Santa is going to bring you shit!” Because then I am the bad guy, and no parent wants to be the bad guy. So I’m stuck between a rock and a fictional hard place.
Third (is there a thirdly? and if there isn’t, then I guess I can’t use Secondly), so …Thirdly I am one of those awful Christians who does not go to Church often. I’ve been stuck between churches ever since I moved down to New Orleans. I either do not like a church, most of the ones I’ve been to, or I like it but it is too far to be practical. I digress, I still like to harp on the idea that Christmas should be about God/ Jesus (nevermind the whole not being born in the winter argument, lets save that for a later date) and so should Easter. In some ways I feel like the Bunny takes away from the sanctity of the holiday. On the other hand, there are atheists out there who would analogize my believe in God to my daughter’s belief in Santa/ Easter Bunny. To those guys I say: “Fuck You Buddy!!” I already said I wasn’t a very good Christian.
Fourthly (that sounds plain stupid) my daughter watches entirely too much television. This is MY FAULT. The television is a big promoter of the Santa Claus/ Easter Bunny agenda. It is why my daughter’s attention span sucks. (It is also part of the reason why she began speaking and counting at an early age.) It is hard to tell a Toddler no this isn’t real when every t.v. show she watches has a holiday episode that NEVER speaks about religion but features a heavy dose of SC/EB. (I can abbreviate Santa Claus and Easter Bunny without introducing them, I’m good like that.) You can’t say “Merry Christmas” anymore, it seems. Even “happy Holidays” seems to be headed for a downfall. pretty soon we will be limited to either “Happy Gift Giving Day” or “Happy see members of your Spouse’s family which you hate day”. When my daughter gets older she can be whatever religion/ non religion she wants but while she lives in my house she will be a Judeo/Christian/ respecter of Muslims.
Mostly, I want to raise a nice respectable young lady, who does not end up as a stripper. If believing in Santa means that you keep your clothes on while talking to strange men, by all means, believe in him until you die. The only thing that irks me more than this whole Holiday lie situation is the inevitable birds and the bees. talk…
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